after 13 years of togetherness, i was separated from my sweet sadie. my cockerspaniel for 13 years was taken from me today by an overdose of a barbituate, shot straight into her heart.
she was arthritic, blind, deaf and unable to control her bowels most of the time. today at the vet's office she had more spunk in her than i had seen in the past few years, yanking the needle from her leg not once, but twice. after having to be sedated, she still tried to get up and walk off the table, before finally succumbing to the powerful drug. her breathing slowed and her body got weak. and then, within 30 seconds of the injection, she was gone . . . lying on the table - motionless. after getting the "no-heart-beat-found" signal from the vet, i leaned down to give her a final kiss. silently telling her how sorry i was that her life was over, and asking for forgiveness for making it such. i remember her still feeling warm and almost begging to see her fat belly move up and down, signaling each breath she took. but instead, all i saw, was her blue tongue.
i think it'll get easier. but my heart aches for the clanking of her nails against the hardwood floors. for the heavy breathing she'd have after awakening from a deep slumber. and, when running into a wall, wagging her stubby tail for the simple fact that she thought it was you.
i write this for no one but myself. as a simple reminder of how my dear nay-nay crossed over.